[Ninong]

Check it out!

How do they come up with stuff like this? No wonder the fundies are all worked up over the situation in the Middle East.

The Rapture Index is at 160 today. They don't explain if that's comparable to code red or code orange.

They do provide the following helpful "comments" to explain the active categories. My comments are the ones in brackets.

COMMENTS ON ACTIVE CATEGORIES

02 Occult:

The lack of activity has downgraded this category.

[What about Ann Coulter? Oh, sorry, you said "occult."]

03 Satanism:

Satanism is reported to be flourishing in Russia

[So is the oil industry and the real estate market.]


04 Unemployment: The US job market shows signs of improvement.

[Unemployment rose two-tenths last month and monthly job growth has been less than 150,000 -- the number required to keep up with population expansion -- for the past few months in a row.]

05 Inflation:

Higher inflation has rattled the stock market.

[Inflation is historically very low. The Bush administration's wild spending and overseas adventures have rattled the stock market.]

06 Interest Rates:

Federal Reserve raises the core interest rate to 4.75%

[Dude! Where have you been? You're a few months behind. The federal funds rate is 5.25% right now and the FOMC actually paused on Aug. 8th and did not raise rates.]

07 The Economy:

The economies of The U.S. and Japan show healthy growth.


[The economies of the U.S. and Japan both slowed considerably in the second quarter compared to the first quarter. Q2 growth was about half the rate of Q1.]


08 Oil Supply/Price:

The price of oil climbs to around $70 per barrel.

[Last week the price of oil was hovering between $77 to $78/bbl. Today it's around $74/bbl. Again, you're not up-to-date in spite of the fact that your stupid website says this index was updated Aug. 14, 2006.]


09 Debt and Trade:

The U.S. federal and trade deficits hit new highs.

[What else would you expect from the Bush administration?]


11 Leadership:

During the past few weeks, several end-time categories have become locked in a holding pattern.

[Leadership? What leadership?]


12 Drug abuse:

Drug use in teens declines by 11 percent


[I hope that's true. That would be a good sign. Maybe they should all get stoned so that the fundies can get raptured?]


17 Crime Rate:

Murder and general crime in America shows a large increase.


[I didn't know that. This "large increase" must be recent? Maybe they're talking about all the crooks in Washington, D.C.?]


18 Ecumenism:

World religions have been at odds with each other

[And this is considered news?]


20 Tribulation Temple:

The lack of activity has downgraded this category.

[I have no idea what a "Tribulation Temple" is?]


22 Israel: A terrorist group threatens Israel with chemical weapons

[Chemical weapons? I thought the katyusha rockets were loaded with ball bearings?]


23 Gog:

Events in the Middle East are moving closer to the Ezk 38 & 39 prophecy.

[If you say so.]


24 Persia (Iran):

President Bush warned that Iran is seeking to produce nuclear weapons.

[Don't worry, he's about to bomb their nuclear weapons facilities anyway: October Surprise!]


26 Nuclear Nations:

The latest report on Iran has it still falling short of having enough enriched uranium for a single nuclear bomb.

[So once Iran gets all their centrifuges going, the index goes up? Cool!]


27 Global Turmoil:

The Arab/Israeli conflict has upgraded this category.

[OK, I get it now. Conflict = good; peace and quiet = bad.]


28 Arms Proliferation:

Iran, China, and Pakistan continue to buildup their military.

[Don't forget North Korea. Kim Jong-Il won't like it if you don't mention him in here somewhere.]


29 Liberalism: The political scene in the U.S. favors liberal candidates.

[If Nancy Pelosi becomes the next Speaker of the House, does that mean the Rapture is upon us? Can a woman be the anti-Christ?]


30 The Peace Process:

Arab League chief: Peace process 'dead'

[Again, I suppose this is a 'good sign?']


32 Mark of the Beast:

The U.S. Patriot Act has failed to get enough votes for extension.

[Wake up and smell the coffee, Dude! It was extended! I wonder why the fundies think the Patriot Act has something to do with the "mark of the beast?" Maybe it has something to do with John Ashcroft and calico cats or something?]


33 Beast Government:

The possibility of the EU reforming into a smaller group of core nations has updated this category.

[OK, I get it now. EU = Beast Government. What about France? Surely France should be mentioned in here somewhere? What about letting Turkey into the EU? Will that hasten the Rapture?]


35 Date Settings:

Several organizations have been talking about Iran launching an attack against Israel on 22 Aug. The claim is based on the doomsday beliefs of Iran's President.

[August 31st is the date the UN has set for Iran to agree to halt nuclear enrichment activities. I doubt anything of consequence will happen until after that date and after the UN imposes sanctions.]


36 Volcanoes:

Indonesia's Mount Merapi volcano erupts

[Volcanoes erupt all the time.]


37 Earthquakes:

A quake generated tsunami kills over 650 people.

[That was just a little one. What about the big one that claimed 250,000 lives?]


38 Wild Weather:

Australia is hit by the most powerful cyclone in 30 years.

[Australia? I believe you mean China!]


40 Famine:

A peace agreement in Sudan will help relieve a fame caused by war and drought.

[I had no idea war and drought caused fame.]


42 Plagues:

World reports of infectious diseases has increased.

[Has they? Is our children learning?]


43 Climate:

The increase in the frequency of Hurricanes has experts wondering if there is a connection to climate change.

[Of course not. There is no such thing as global warming.]


44 Food Supply:

A major portion of the world is see drought conditions.

[Is see drought conditions?]


Be sure to check out their website.



P.S. -- I knew the fundies had the highest divorce rates in the country but here's something else they excell in. They'd better watch out or they'll be left behind!

[Ninong]

Hey, how come we haven't updated the Rapture Index?

Sorry, my bad. Looks like the last time we checked on the End Times was back in August 2006. I wonder if we're any closer?

Looks like the official Rapture Index website was just updated on Dec. 31, 2007. Incredibly, the Rapture Index stands at 160, exactly the same as when we last checked it in August 2006. How could that be? Let's see what explanations the official Rapture Index keeper has for this disappointing result. My comments are in brackets.

COMMENTS ON ACTIVE CATEGORIES

01 False Christs

A gentleman in Florida has made news by claiming to be Christ.

[This is news? This happens hundreds of times a day.]

03 Satanism:

The lack of activity has downgraded this category.

[What about that GOP presidential candidate who believes Satan is Jesus' little brother?]

04 Unemployment:

The lastest figures from the fed shows a show down in employment.

[What's a "show down?" The latest figures show that unemployment soared from 4.7% in November to 5.0% in December -- it was 4.4% in December 2006. And those numbers have been understated for decades. The economy added only 18,000 new jobs in December. It takes 150,000 new jobs per month just to keep up with population growth.]

05 Inflation:

Consumer prices see a huge leap on soaring oil.

[Which is why the government prefers to talk about "core inflation" -- inflation minus volatile food and energy costs. This, too, has been going on for ages.]

06 Interest Rates:

The Federal Reserve lowers rates by 1/2 of a percent.

[That's a little outdated. After that half percent cut in the fed funds rate, there were two quarter point cuts and another quarter point cut will be made later this month.]

07 The Economy

The U.S. stock market takes a big dive.

[The U.S. stock market is predicting a recession in 2008.]

08 Oil Supply/Price

The price of oil is near record levels.

[It's not near record levels, it's at record levels. The price of oil topped $100/bbl more than once last week.]

09 Debt and Trade:

The U.S. federal debt reaches the $9 trillion mark.

[Wars are expensive, especially when you're simultaneously cutting taxes for the top 2% and giving multi-billion dollar tax breaks to your pals in the oil industry at the same time. Exxon-Mobil's profits topped $40 billion last year but they still won't invest in new refineries.]

10 Financial unrest

The U.S. stock market has has a sharp declined.

[I guess he means it went down.]

11 Leadership

The lack of resolve over Iran's nuclear program has downgraded this category.

[The Bush administration admitted that Iran discontinued its nuclear weapons program back in 2003.]

12 Drug abuse:

Drug use in teens declines by 11 percent

[The price of crystal meth has fallen since Ted Haggard stopped buying it just to throw it away.]

17 Crime Rate: The murder rate in several key cities has fallen

[There were 209 murders in New Orleans last year. That's in a city with a current population of no more than 280,000. There were actually 221 homicides. The NOPD says they don't count "justifiable homicides" as murders and there were 12 of those.]

19 Globalism

The lack of activity has downgraded this category.

[Tom Tancredo, who was the GOP's best Mexican-hater, dropped out of the race, leaving only Duncan Hunter to carry the banner.]

22 Israel:

There has been relative calm in Israel the past few weeks.

[Four killed in Gaza as Israel vows to up army operations.]

23 Gog:

Putin is threatening to target Europe with missiles.

[That's not a serious threat. Putin sending anti-aircraft missiles to Iran is a much more serious problem.]

24 Persia (Iran):

President Bush warned that Iran is seeking to produce nuclear weapons.

[President Bush's government released their official determination that Iran ended its nuclear weapons program in 2003. That is the consensus opinion of all 16 U.S. intelligence agencies.]

26 Nuclear Nations

Egypt plans to build its own nuclear power plants.

27 Global Turmoil:

The crisis in Pakistan has pushed this indicator higher.

28 Arms Proliferation:

North Korea agrees to freeze its nuclear program.

[Don't believe anything North Korea says. You should know better than that by now.]

29 Liberalism

Conservative Nicolas Sarkozy wins in France

[He also has a new girlfriend. I think that deserves extra points.]

30 The Peace Process:

For what it's worth, Israel and the Arabs pledge to work together for a lasting peace.

33 Beast Government

The EU pens a new treaty.

[For the unsaved heathens reading this who may not understand the meaning of "beast government" as it applies to the European Union, it's because the president of the European Union is the Antichrist. Not many people know this.]

35 Date Settings

Several organizations have been talking about Iran launching an attack against Israel on 22 Aug. The claim is based on the doomsday beliefs of Iran's President.

[Don't be ridiculous! Iran's not launching an attack against anybody. Their leader may be a theocratic lunatic but he's not stupid!]

36 Volcanoes

Indonesian volcanoe blows ash over a wide area.

37 Earthquakes

A powerful 7.7 quake strikes Chile.

38 Wild Weather

Eaurope is hit by the strongest storm in 17 years.

[Where's Eaurope?]

41 Drought

Severe water-rationing measures are being considered for several major cities in the South.

43 Climate:

Record cold temps put the freeze on global warming hype.

[I don't understand why the holy-rollers don't believe in global warming. It seems to me that it would help bolster their claim that the world is about to end.]

44 Food Supply

The supply of wheat is at a 25 year low.

45 Floods

Malaysian floods worsen as Thai border river swells.

[Ninong]

What happened with that tsunami that was supposed to hit Seattle in 2006?

Remember back in May 2006 Pat Robertson said God told him a tsunami was going to hit the West Coast sometime later that year? Well, nothing happened. I guess Pat's slipping in his old age.

And then in January 2007 Pat said God told him that a terrorist attack on the United States would result in "mass killing" late in 2007.

"I'm not necessarily saying it's going to be nuclear," he said during his news-and-talk television show "The 700 Club" on the Christian Broadcasting Network. "The Lord didn't say nuclear. But I do believe it will be something like that."

Robertson said God told him during a recent prayer retreat that major cities and possibly millions of people will be affected by the attack, which should take place sometime after September (2007).

You see, stuff like that would have helped the Rapture Index dude add some extra points to his Armageddon meter. Maybe Pat needs a new hearing aid?