They're off and running for the 2008 GOP nomination:

[Ninong]

"Walnuts!" is off his rocker. I think he needs more than a good night's sleep. He got up on the Senate floor yesterday, complete with color charts, and proclaimed that the surge in Iraq is succeeding beyond the most optimistic expectations! Everything is going great. If they could just get the biased liberal media to stop showing video of all those car bombings and house by house executions carried out by the Iraqi police in retaliation for the car bombings things would be just grand.

Anyone care to go for a walk through one of the lovely Baghdad shopping malls?

Gee, I wonder why the U.S. Embassy in Baghdad (inside the heavily fortified Green Zone that is surrounded by 17-ft tall concrete blast walls) put out a memo yesterday to all employees telling them that they are now required to wear flak vests and helmets when moving between buildings inside the Green Zone and that employees will no longer be allowed to "congregate around the palace swimming pool" because it presents too tempting a target to insurgent infiltrators. And that's inside the Green Zone! Maybe they should move their operations to one of those "safe neighborhoods" in Baghdad where Walnuts! says it's perfectly safe to "go for a walk."

I wonder why General Barry McCaffrey, who just returned from Iraq a couple of days ago, has such a different opinion on the situation there? Certainly Walnuts! can't claim that Gen. McCaffrey is three months behind on this because he was just there.

From yesterday's Washington Post: McCaffrey Paints Gloomy Picture of Iraq

An influential retired Army general released a dire assessment of the situation in Iraq, based on a recent round of meetings there with Gen. David H. Petraeus and 16 other senior U.S. commanders.

"The population is in despair," retired Gen. Barry McCaffrey wrote in an eight-page document compiled in his capacity as a professor at West Point. "Life in many of the urban areas is now desperate."

[...]

McCaffrey, who has met twice with President Bush to discuss the war, most recently in December, was scheduled to brief White House officials on his conclusions late yesterday.

His report also lists several reasons for some new optimism, noting that since the arrival of Petraeus last month, "the situation on the ground has clearly and measurably improved."

Nevertheless, his bottom line is that the U.S. military is in "strategic peril" -- a sharp contrast to his previous views. In 2005, he concluded in a similar report that "momentum is now clearly with the Iraqi government and coalition security forces." In a 2006 assessment, he wrote: "It was very encouraging for me to see the progress achieved in the past year."

The retired general, who on his latest visit also interviewed a U.S. intelligence official and some Iraqi officers, is especially critical of the government of Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki. It is "despised" by the Sunnis, he writes, is seen as "untrustworthy and incompetent" by the Kurds, and now enjoys "little credibility among the Shia populations from which it emerged."

The government lacks dominance in every province, he added. One result is that "no Iraqi government official, coalition soldier, diplomat, reporter, foreign NGO [nongovernmental organization], nor contractor can walk the streets of Baghdad, nor Mosul, nor Kirkuk, nor Basra, nor Tikrit, nor Najaf, nor Ramadi, without heavily armed protection." (Walnuts! says there are many neighborhoods in Baghdad where it is safe to "go for a walk today!")

Militias and armed bands are "in some ways more capable of independent operations" than the Iraqi army, he added.

McCaffrey is gloomy about the continuing strength of the insurgency. At this point, he said, about 27,000 fighters are being held, and at least 20,000 others have been killed, yet enemy combatants continue to produce new leaders and foot soldiers. The result, five years into the war, he said, is that "their sophistication, numbers and lethality go up -- not down -- as they incur these staggering battle losses."

[Ninong]

Walnuts! appeared on NBC's "Today" show yesterday and said the war "was badly mismanaged. But there are signs of progress everywhere. ... I am confident that given the opportunity, we can have success. The consequences of failure are catastrophic because if we come home, bin Laden and Zarqawi, they are going to follow us."



P.S. -- OK, I realize we don't know for sure if Sammy bin Laden is dead or alive -- I think he's alive and well in Pakistan -- but the U.S government released a picture of Abu Musab al-Zarqawi and he definitely looked dead to me, how about you? Think we should tell Walnuts!?

[zhenya]

Oh man, what's up with this guy?
Is his memory really this bad or his people tell him nothing over the past couple of years?

[Ninong]

Oh man, what's up with this guy?
Is his memory really this bad or his people tell him nothing over the past couple of years?

Back in 2000, during the Republican primary race in South Carolina, the Bush people (aka Karl Rove) put out a rumor that McCain's mind was messed up during the several years of torture he endured at the hands of the North Vietnamese. Maybe they were right?

P.S. -- No one questions the fact that McCain is a genuine American hero! But maybe he needs a nice long vacation?

[zhenya]

Back in 2000, during the Republican primary race in South Carolina, the Bush people (aka Karl Rove) put out a rumor that McCain's mind was messed up during the several years of torture he endured at the hands of the North Vietnamese. Maybe they were right?

I don't know, they may very well be right but I will doubt anything that guy(Karl Rove) has to say about anybody. Although McCain does sound redicilous at times during his interviews. Maybe he's just an old sly fox? :eek3:

[Ninong]

Yep, the former governor of Wisconsin and HHS Secretary during GWB's first term has just announced that he will be the only "genuine Republican" candidate in the race. He called himself a "real conservative."

How conservative? Glad you asked.

How about requiring that we all have RFID chips implanted so that the government can better keep track of us. Tommy had one implanted in his right arm shortly after being named to the board of directors of the company that makes the VeriChip. Who knew that he was so desperate to pump up the value of his stock options that he would actually pretend to be a serious contender in the GOP 2008 race.

For the time being, Tommy says the RFID chips should be voluntary and everyone should volunteer to get one for medical emergencies. However, he has also proposed that all military personnel be implanted with these RFID chips as a replacement for dogtags. And he thinks they should be required for all new children entering school as a way to find them if they're lost or stolen.

And once they grow up, it would be a simply matter to eliminate any of the non-functional human units. Just send out the proper signal and their little chips would release their poison contents. Only "loyal Bushies," or in this case, "loyal Tommies," would be allowed.

Tommy was even interviewed by George Stephanopoulos this morning and, to prove he's a "real conservative," he disagreed with just about everything Bush has done. Asked about the Iraq war, Tommy said he would have done things entirely differently. Like what, for instance? Well, how about "asking the al-Maliki government to take a vote on whether they want us to stay or leave."

And what does Tommy think about the Alberto Gonzales situation. Tommy said he wouldn't have hired Gonzales in the first place -- he "wouldn't have made that mistake."

Does anybody know how many ex-wives Tommy has? I'm sure as a good Christian conservative Republican, he probably has at least one or two ex-wives. I'm trying to find that online.

[Ninong]

...Accompanied by 100 heavily-armed soldiers, 3 Blackhawks and 2 Apache gunships!

Walnuts! was sporting the lastest fashion in a muted beige flak jacket. The "safe" neighborhood was three minutes away from the Green Zone. This same "safe" neighborhood suffered a major car-bombing event in January but it is much better today. McCain told a reporter that his little "stroll" (which lasted only a few minutes) today was proof that Baghdad was safe (just as safe as Houston?).

McCain recently claimed that there “are neighborhoods in Baghdad where you and I could walk through those neighborhoods, today.” In a press conference after his Baghdad tour, McCain told a reporter that his visit to the market today was proof that you could indeed “walk freely” in some areas of Baghdad.

He. Has. Lost. His. Mind.

[schrocat]

Walnuts.

Glad to see that name is sticking...

[Ninong]

Walnuts! will appear on 60 Minutes tomorrow, Easter Sunday! He's hoping for an Easter miracle -- the resurrection of his dead campaign. His people have already released selected quotes from the interview that was done days ago. Walnuts! now says he mispoke when he said it was safe to stroll around Baghdad's neighborhoods. He admits that he was wearing body armor and surrounded by hundreds of heavily armed troops, 20 armored Humvees, dozens of snipers on rooftops, with 3 Blackhawks and 2 Apache gunships hovering overhead. Such resources may not be available to the average citizen but he wants us to know that the new straetgy is working even if there is more to be done.

Meanwhile, Rudy Giuliani wants the press to stop picking on his current wife. It seems someone dug up the fact that she put her nursing skills to good use by joining the sales team of a medical supply company demonstrating surgical stapling machines to doctors. The demonstrations were conducted on live puppies but Judi wants us to know that the puppies were anesthetized for the demonstrations and euthanized afterwards, so they didn't suffer. She said she couldn't use dead animals for the demonstration because you needed "flowing blood." This is not much different that what Dr. Bill Frist did while in medical school. He frequently "adopted" cats from the local SPCA to practice his surgical techniques. Dr. Frist wants us to know that the cats didn't suffer because he used anesthesia and, besides, they would have been euthanized at the pond anyway.

Speaking of Giuliani, he was trying to impress voters with his foreign policy skills and in the process proved himself to be completely clueless when it comes to basic facts of life in the Middle East. Here's the money quote:

Speaking of Iran, Giuliani said, "in the long term," it might be "more dangerous than Iraq."

"Their movement has already displayed more aggressive tendencies by coming here and killing us,” he said.

What???

Yep, Rudy Giuliani thinks that Iran had something to do with 9/11.

Someone needs to explain to Rudy that the Shiite Islamic regime in Iran does not give money to al-Qaida and al-Qaida would probably kill any Shiites who tried to infiltrate their ranks. Iran gives money to Hezbollah and Hamas but not al-Qaida. The Saudis give money to al-Qaida. Al-Qaida is 100% Sunni and mostly extremely radical Wahhabis.

I think Rudy may have been listening to too much Glenn "Nuke 'Em All" Beck or Dick Cheney's favorite comedian, Rush Limbaugh.

What about Mitt Romney? How's he doing lately?

Mitt is trying to explain what he meant when he said he was a "lifelong hunter" despite not owning a gun or a license in any state.

His campaign issued a statement saying that he once hunted "rabbits and rodents in Idaho with his cousins when he was 15 years old" and that last year he went on a hunting trip with some GOP contributors. No word of what sort of caged animals they hunted on the private reserve. I wonder if Dick Cheney or Antonin Scalia went along?

I think Mitt is confusing his "lifetime membership" in the NRA, which he purchased in August of last year, with being a "life-long hunter." He insists that he hunted "rabbits, rodents and other varmits" at least twice. He must have been visiting his cousins in Idaho. I'm pretty sure Mitt lived with his parents in Bloomfield Hills when daddy was running American Motors.

(One news report, based on a statement from the Romney campaign, had him hunting with cousins in Idaho and another news report says nothing about cousins but quotes Romney as saying he hunted "varmits" in Utah.)

[CSeaSee]

... No word of what sort of caged animals they hunted on the private reserve. I wonder if Dick Cheney ...went along?

I believe Dick "shoot first, aim second" Cheney had quite enough excitement on his hunting expeditions last year...

[Ninong]

Actually Darth Cheney has been on at least one hunting trip since the one during which he shot a GOP lawyer in the face and failed to report it until the next day so that he could sober up first. During the week of the November elections he and pregnant daughter Mary went on a hunting trip. I think the GOP wanted him out of the way during the last weekend before the elections. It was sort of a Goodwill Hunting trip if you will.

Speaking of Mary, her baby is due next month. Wonder if she will ask Daddy Dobson to be the godfather?

There is no truth to the rumor that they will call the baby Damien, but I wish they would call him Luke. That way, 20 years from now, assuming grandpa is still alive, he could reprise the line from Star Wars, "No, Luke, I'm your grandfather." Grandpa will probably be on his third artificial heart by then.

[Ninong]

BOSTON (AP) - Officials in the four states where Mitt Romney has lived say the Republican presidential contender, who calls himself a lifelong hunter, never took out a license.

Romney says that is because he seldom has hunted where he needed one. Questions about his hunting activities trailed Romney this past week after he remarked at a campaign stop that he has been a hunter nearly all his life.

The next day, his campaign said Romney had gone hunting just twice - once as a teenager in Idaho and last year with GOP donors in Georgia.

P.S. -- Romney still insists that he is a lifelong hunter even though he doesn't own a gun and has never taken out a hunting license. He claims he has hunted "rodents and other varmits" in states where a license is not required for such "game." And he insists that he has engaged in these big game safaris "more than twice."

I think maybe he should borrow John Kerry's shotgun and camouflage jumpsuit and go hunting with Dick Cheney or Antonin Scalia if he wants to make an impression on the press. I don't think they're buying the "varmit hunter" bit at all.

I wonder what the Book of Mormon has to say about making stuff up?

[Ninong]

Ever since Democratic presidential candidate John Edwards' poll numbers shot up after he announced that his wife has cancer, other candidates have been scrambling to find something in their wives' medical histories (e.g., Romney's wife has MS) that might induce sympathy and a bump in the polls but this latest announcement is sort of over the top.

Let's see the other candidates top this!

P.S. -- John McCain's claims to dementia don't count.

[Ninong]

Walnuts! McCain gave his heavily promoted Iraq speech today. As expected, it was heavy on both rah-rah and unmitigated distortions of the truth.

Here's Walnuts! at his soft-spoken, sincere best: "Before I left for Iraq, I watched with regret as the House of Representatives voted to deny our troops the support necessary to carry out their new mission."

Walnuts! continues to spew the Cheney-Bush line that the Democrats are the ones who want to deny "support for the troops." The Democrats voted to give Bush everything he asked for provided the troops are withdrawn by September 1, 2008. It's Bush who is threatening to deny our troops the support necessary to carry out their mission by vetoing a funding bill that requires reasonable accountability on the part of the Iraqi government.

What Bush and Walnuts! are admitting is that there's no way in hell that the Iraqi government will meet any of the so-called benchmarks that the Bush Administration set for them. In effect, both Bush and Walnuts! are admitting that 18 months from now we will still be carrying out the same failed policy.

Walnuts!: "Democratic leaders smiled and cheered as the last votes were counted. What were they celebrating? Defeat? Surrender? In Iraq, only our enemies were cheering."

"Only our enemies" were cheering at the Dem passage of the withdrawal bill? Every poll that I have seen lately shows that fully 60% of Iraqis think it's OK to kill us, fully 65% of Iraqis want us to leave immediately and fully 95% of Iraqis think things are much worse now than they were four years ago. Three-fourths of Iraqis think that the presence of coalition troops in Iraq contributes to the violence.

Walnuts! accuses the Democrats of "giddy anticipation of the next election" yet this speech of his has been promoted for the past ten days by his own aides as critical to the revival of his sagging campaign.

Walnuts!: "Democrats who voted to authorize this war, and criticized the failed strategy that has led us to this perilous moment, have the same responsibility I do, to offer support when that failure is recognized and the right strategy is proposed and the right commanders take the field to implement it or, at the least, to offer an alternative strategy that has some relationship to reality."

The Democrats are offering an alternative strategy that is based in reality. For Walnuts! to accuse anyone of being out of touch with reality is truly hilarious! Maybe it's time to replay his comments about the media not reporting the "fact" that there are neighborhoods in Baghdad where "you or I could walk around, today!" Or the "fact" that Gen. Petraeus rides around in an unarmed Humvee without a heavy security contingent. Or the "fact" that the Shorja market in Baghdad is "just like Indiana in the summertime."

Walnuts! shouldn't go around talking about other people's "relationship to reality."

[Ninong]

Walnuts! wants to bomb Iran, as soon as he gets finished blowing his nose. Check it out here.

[Ninong]

We're all familiar with the fact that Hillary Clinton has a very high percentage of the public that definitely would not vote for her but what about Walnuts!?

A year ago, 28 percent of Americans said they "definitely would not vote" for him if he were to become the Republican nominee.

The most recent WaPo/ABC News polls shows that Walnuts! is now higher than Hillary in the "definitely would not" category:

44. If (NAME) wins the (Democratic/Republican) nomination for president would you definitely vote for (him/her) in the general election for president in 2008, would you consider voting for (him/her) or would you definitely not vote for (him/her)?

Hillary Clinton: Definitely would, 27%; Would consider, 26%; Definitely would not, 45%

John McCain: Definitely would, 12%; Would consider, 39%; Definitely would not, 47%

Isn't it rather strange that we haven't heard anything about this from any of the TV pundits? The same ones who keeping telling us that Hillary is unelectable because of her high negatives.

[schrocat]

Sweet.
I am doomed to wear my endorsement of this clown back in 2000 for the rest of my life...

Worse than Bush.

[schrocat]

"Maybe they will enter Umm Qasr and Basra, but how will they enter Baghdad? It will be a big oven for them. They can penetrate our borders but they cannot reach Baghdad. They will try to pull our army and troops out but we are well aware of their plans and they will fail."

[Ninong]

"Bomb bomb bomb, bomb bomb Iran..."

"Get a life."

Code: Baghdad Bob Walnuts!

[Ninong]

Check out McCain's latest flyer. He may have gone from hero to zero in the past few months with his absurd statements on the situation in Iraq but he's going to make sure the GOP knows that he loves assault weapons a lot more than Mitt Romney or Rudy Giuliani and he's more "conservative" than either one of them.

All of the statements he attributes to Romney have already been repudiated by Romney. Sure, he may have said those crazy things, but that was when he was running for office in liberal Massachusetts. Now that he's running for national office, he's no longer claiming to be more pro-gay rights than Ted Kennedy.

I love the Giuliani endorsement of Ruth Bader Ginsburg that Walnuts! dug up. That should go over big in the red states.

Yep, these Republicans are a lot more fun to watch than those boring Democrats this year. I'm tired of hearing about John Edwards' $400 haircuts. (Laura Bush goes to a stylist who charges $700 per haircut and she's no prettier than John Edwards. In fact, I'm not even sure she's prettier than that Scott guy up in Canada, the one her husband said had "a pretty face. Better looking than my Scott anyway." In case you don't remember the incident, Bush was speaking with the Canadian Prime Minister and commenting on how pretty his aide Scott Reid was compared to Scott McClellan, who was balding and pudgy by comparison. President Bush is a keen judge of these things.)

Speaking of gay closet cases, Walnuts! wants everyone to know that he supports "Don't Ask, Don't Tell." Both Romney and Giuliani have spoken out against it.

As you can see from McCain's flyer, he's running on the same platform Bush ran on in 2000 -- God, Guns and Gays! Divide and conquer! Somehow I think that Walnuts! may be out of touch in more ways than one.

Code: Walnuts! = Conservative hero!
Code: Romney & Giuliani = Conservative zero!

P.S. -- I wonder why Walnuts! forgot to mention the Federal Marriage Amendment in his flyer. The GOP leadership keeps bringing it up year after year even though they know it will never get the two-thirds majority it needs to pass. It's a great divide and conquer wedge issue. He should be proud of his opposition to it. It bolsters his "maverick" reputation.

The following Republican Senators opposed or did not vote for the FMA in the vote that was held:

• Lincoln Chafee, Rhode Island
• Judd Gregg, New Hampshire
• Olympia Snowe, Maine
• John Sununu, New Hampshire
• Susan Collins, Maine
• John McCain, Arizona
• Arlen Specter, Pennsylvania
• Chuck Hagel, Nebraska (not voting)