GOP Clown Show

[Ninong]

Go back into hiding, GOP begs Dick Cheney

Congressional Republicans are telling Dick Cheney to go back to his undisclosed location and leave them alone to rebuild the Republican Party without his input.

Displeased with the former vice-president's recent media appearances, Republican lawmakers say he's hurting GOP efforts to reinvent itself after back-to-back electoral drubbings.

Here.

[Ninong]

GOP Clown Car Keeps Rolling Right Along

RNC Chairman Michael Steele told CNN's Don Lemon that there is a method to his madness. Even when he makes a gaffe, it was part of his plan. He actually said that. I did not make that up. So when he said those mean things about the Chunky Junkie, Boss Limbaugh, that was all part of his plan to see who was with him. I guess the apology the next day was all pre-planned, too.

Lemon asked him if he was interested in running for the Goppie presidential nomination in 2012. Steele said he's considering it but he would have to talk it over with his family first.

Steele is so phony it's pathetic! This is the clown who campaigned with blue signs that read STEELE/Democrat. His name on top and Democrat underneath his name. And Democratic blue, not Republican red. He's a Republican but he always calls himself a Democrat in black districts of Maryland. And another one of his favorite tricks is to bus in dozens of unemployed black men that his staff picks up off the streets of D.C. early on election day and then brings them into black districts in Maryland to hand out flyers that falsely claim that Steels is endorsed by famous black Democratic politicians. He claims he doesn't know how that happened but his campaign reports show that he paid for it. I think they were paid $150 each, plus free lunch.

I sure hope the Goppies don't force him to resign. He's too good to be true for the Democrats.

Speaking of too good to be true, did you hear Sarah Palin's latest complaint? She told an Anchorage audience that she was very nervous before her vice-presidential candidates debate with Joe Biden but there wasn't anyone on the McCain-Palin Campaign staff that she would have wanted to hold hands in prayer with. That didn't exactly go over too well with the staffers McCain assigned to her campaign. Besides, after Palin's interview with Katie Couric, the entire McCain Campaign was praying all the time.

No wonder the glaciers are melting in Alaska. It's all that hot air coming out of Sarah Palin's mouth.

Between Boss Limbaugh, Michael Steele and Sarah Palin, who could ask for anything more? Oh, I almost forgot: Joe the Plumber! We are truly blessed.

[schrocat]

Hey Ninong!
I've been away for a bit and am pained to return and see NOT ONE POST on Bachmann's week of total freaking insanity. Wherupon our nuttier flavored wingnuts recieved new shiny fish hooks to drag them through a complete misunderstanding of the IMF.
The poor devils think we're going to have the profiles of Chinese historical figures folded in our wallets any day now...

Get hopping dude.
Snark aint gonna write itself.

P.S. we're gonna be doing lunch again sooner than later. I'm in dire need of some NO battery recharging.

[Ninong]

Our Cup Runneth Over, We Are Truly Blessed

I was afraid that when Katherine Harris left Congress, there would be a void that would be impossible to fill. And then God gave us Michele Bachmann, proof that God loves Democrats. They even look alike.

Michele Bachmann


Katherine Harris


Notice that I used their official (airbrushed) photos. I'm trying to be nice.

On a wingnuttery scale of 1-10, Katherine Harris is a 9.8 but Michele Bachmann is a perfect 10. Who could ask for anything more?

Oh, that's right, Michael Steele is the new RNC Chairman but the Chunky Junkie is the real boss of the Republican party, and Sarah Palin and Bobby Jindal are in the running for the 2012 nomination.

Oh, and I almost forgot, Joe the Plumber promised that he would run for Congress. I can hardly wait.

[Ninong]

Get hopping dude.
Snark aint gonna write itself.

It's hard to be enthusiastic about this stuff when not responding to something truly absurd posted by one of the Goppies. I miss all those posts last fall telling us how WALNUTS! and the Snow Princess would cruise to victory because the country would never vote for Obama. Remember those guys? We tried to be nice to them so that they would hang around but they all disappeared after November 7.

Maybe we could do a retrospective and post some of their funniest predictions?

[Ninong]

McCain Refuses to Endorse Palin for 2012 Nomination

Remember back in September when WALNUTS! told us that the reason he picked the Snow Princess as his running mate was because she was the most qualified person in the United States to take over in the event of his untimely demise? Now he's not so sure.

Asked Sunday on the teevee machine if he would support Palin for the 2012 nomination, McCain said: "Sarah who?" "I can't..."

Something about the GOP having lots of other "young governors" who would make much better good candidates.

McCain said he has "the greatest appreciation for Gov. Palin and her family, and it was a great joy to know them," but he refused to endorse her.

[Ninong]

The Palin Family Circus: The Gift That Keeps On Giving

This is getting to be too funny. Sarah Palin is now complaining that Levi Johnston is giving all these teevee interviews just to get rich off her family's name. In other words, Governor Palin is accusing Levi of exploiting their relationship for gain.

Isn't that exactly what Palin herself did? Isn't she the one who had him all cleaned up and looking like a Brooks Brothers model for the Goppie convention so she could make chicken salad out of chicken sh!t?

Remember what Palin said publicly about learning for the first time that her daughter Bristol was pregnant?

"When Bristol and Levi first told us the shocking news that she was pregnant, to be honest, we all at first looked at the situation with some fear and a bit of despair. Isn't it just like God to turn those circumstances into such an amazing, joyful blessing when you ask Him to help you through?"

Oops! Sorry, I gave credit to Palin for something she said was God's doing. He's the one responsible for the nice chicken salad.

Now Levi is making the teevee rounds telling all. When Tyra Banks asked him if he and Bristol practiced safe sex, he told her "most of the time."

Levi showed up on the CBS Morning Show today and when asked if Sarah Palin knew at the time that he and Bristol had been engaging in premarital sex, he said he was "pretty sure she probably knew."

This is after Palin had her daughter Bristol appear on the Goppie Fake News Channel a few weeks ago to explain her side of the break-up with Baby Daddy Levi. That didn't go as planned by the governor's Page Ranking team.

Bristol told Greta Van Susteren that it wasn't smart to get pregnant at her young age, but the abstinence her mom preaches is "not realistic at all." Ouch!

Did Levi think that he had a good relationship with Governor Palin? You betcha! He said she treated him just like a son, until after she lost her bid to be America's first female vice president. What happened then? Well, according to Levi, things sort of went downhill after that.

What does Levi think of the governor now? He thinks she's a "snob."

And where was Levi sleeping for several weeks before he and Bristol broke up? He was sleeping in Sarah Palin's house in the same bedroom with Bristol, that's where. The governor's office issued a statement saying that Levi did not "live" at their house. Levi says that "a lie."

What's next? Levi hopes to get "an acting job or a modeling gig" soon. Hey, wouldn't it be great if they wrote him into one of the current teevee shows as the high school hockey player who gets the abstinence-only, Republican governor's daughter pregnant? You know, sort of art imitating life?

Is it too late to get him on American Idol?

This kid's on a roll, we don't want to stop him now. Things are just getting warmed up.

[Ninong]

Comic Relief

The Republican National Committee is disappointed with their new chairman, Michael Steele.

What did he do this time, you ask?

Well, apparently it's not what he did but what he didn't do that has the wingnuts in an uproar. He is being accused of failing to call President Obama a socialist. They are demanding a full vote of all 168 members of the RNC on the question of whether the Chairman of the Republican National Committee should be required to call President Obama and all Democrats socialists from now on. They believe that this is necessary if they are to have any chance of winning any elections ever again.



P.S. -- Just have Boss Limbaugh give him a call. That should do it.

[Ninong]

Should GOP Be Added to Endangered Species List?

Former McCain campaign manager, Steve Schmidt, thinks so.

"It is near extinct in many ways in the Northeast. It is extinct in many ways on the West Coast. And it is in danger in the Mountain West; increasingly in danger in the Southwest, particularly with Hispanic demographics. And if you look at the state of the party, it is a shrinking entity."

[Ninong]

Michele Bachmann Is Truly Crazy

Okay, we already knew that, what else is new? Ms Bachmann is trying to claim that swine flu is a "Democrat" problem. Note that all of these mouth-breathing loonies are so stupid that they don't know the difference between a noun and an adjective and insist on using the word Democrat as both.

Now Bachmann is trying to blame Democrats for swine flu:

Bachmann, speaking on Pajamas TV, noted: “I find it interesting that it was back in the 1970s that the swine flu broke out then under another Democrat president Jimmy Carter. And I’m not blaming this on President Obama, I just think it’s an interesting coincidence.”

It's even more interesting when you consider that the 1976 swine flu scare happened during the administration of Gerald Ford. Jimmy Carter took office in January 1977.

Here is the YouTube video clip of Michele Bachmann telling us that the 1976 swine flu epidemic broke out "under another Democrat president Jimmy Carter."

Is it just my imagination or is her skin tighter than Greta Van Susteren's? Greta can't close her mouth. Looks like Michele may not be able to close her eyes.

[Ninong]

Michele Bachmann Has Truly Outdone Herself

Just when you think she can't get any more ridiculous, she proves that when it comes to being hilariously stupid, Michele Bachmann has no peers. Not even Katherine Harris was this stupid.

Yesterday we learned that Bachmann blamed the 1976 Swine Flu Scare on "Democrat president Jimmy Carter," even though it happened in February 1976 during the administration of Republican Gerald Ford. Now we learn that Monday night Rep. Bachmann (R-MN) took to the floor of the House of Representatives to extoll the virtues of the economic policies of the Calvin Coolidge administration and the "Roaring 20's" -- the era that ended in a banking crisis and the Great Depression. Here's where Bachmann gets really, really good:

"As a matter of fact, the recession that FDR had to deal with wasn't as bad as the recession that Coolidge had to deal with in the early 20's. Yet the prescription that Coolidge put on that from history is lower taxes, lower regulatory burden and we saw the Roaring 20's, where we saw markets and growth in the economy like we've never seen before in the history of the country. FDR applied just the opposite formula, the Hoot-Smalley Act which was a tremendous burden on tariff restrictions and then of course trade barriers and the regulatory burden and tax barriers. That's what we saw happen under FDR that took a recession and blew it into a full-scale depression and the American people suffered for almost ten years under that kind of thinking."

There is so much material there that I hardly know where to begin. I will leave the really funny stuff for last and just get a couple of other points out of the way first. It was the policies of the Coolidge administration that led to the Great Depression that hit in October 1929, during the first year of the Herbert Hoover administration. Hoover made things worse by continuing the same failed Republican policies. He cut spending and decided that the way to get the country out of a really, really bad depression was to balance the federal budget.

By the time FDR took over in March 1933, the country was in really bad shape precisely because of the failed Republican policies of loose regulatory controls over Wall Street and misdirected budget priorities.

Now for the really funny stuff:

It wasn't Hoot-Smalley, it was the Smoot-Hawley Tariff Act, named after Republican Senator Reed Smoot of Utah and Republican Rep. William Hawley of Oregon.

The Smoot-Hawley Tariff Act was signed into law by Herbert Hoover on June 17, 1930, (FDR didn't take office until March 4, 1933), raising U.S. tariffs on over 20,000 imported goods to record levels. In the United States 1,028 economists signed a petition against this legislation, and after it was passed, many countries retaliated with their own increased tariffs on U.S. goods, and American exports and imports plunged by more than half.

Smoot-Hawley was a disaster alright, but it was a Republican disaster. According to government statistics, U.S. imports from Europe declined from a 1929 high of $1,334 million to just $390 million in 1932, while U.S. exports to Europe fell from $2,341 million in 1929 to $784 million in 1932. Overall, world trade declined by some 66% between 1929 and 1934. Unemployment was at 7.8% in 1930 when the Smoot-Hawley tariff was passed, but it jumped to 16.3% in 1931, 24.9% in 1932, and 25.1% in 1933.

Smoot-Hawley was repealed in 1934 during the Democratic administration of Franklin Delano Roosevelt.

I am convinced that Michele Bachmann writes her own material. No one else could be that hilariously dumb.



P.S. -- It's not right that all these great Michele Bachmann gems are buried in this generic GOP clowncar thread. She deserves her own thread. Heck, she deserves her own planet.

P.P.S. -- In case I didn't make my point extremely clear, it was the Republicans, under Coolidge and Hoover, who were responsible for the Great Depression. Their "loose regulatory burden," as Bachmann calls it, is what led to the inflation of the stock market. In the late 1920's, you could buy stock with only 10% margin. That means you could buy $100,000 worth of stock with only $10,000 cash down. As long as the stock market went up, you were in great shape. In fact, if it went up only 10%, you doubled your money because all you have really put up of your own money was $10,000. If it went down, however, you could be wiped out in no time at all. (Current stock margin requirement is 50%. You can buy $20,000 worth of stock with only $10,000 cash.)

Interestingly enough, isn't that exactly what the Republicans did with the housing bubble? Of course it is. Alan "Mr. Bubbles" Greenspan encouraged lenders and buyers to get more creative with the adjustable rate mortages at a time when interest rates were at a 40-year low, and just before he started to raise them.

And it was the "loosened regulatory burden," as Bachmann calls it, that led to the crash of AIG and the investment banks. Whoever first dreamed up CDOs and default swaps should be taken out back of the barn and shot. The Federal Reserve and the SEC were asleep at the switch. No, more than that, they actually encouraged the reckless behavior that led to the near collapse of the financial system.

And it was Dick Cheney and George Bush's criminal behavior that allowed Enron to rape the citizens of California with their scheme to jack up energy prices artificially. All of the top brass (at least the top two or three dozen) at Enron should be in prison right now. They got the top three or four but that was about it.

The Goppies have a theory that big banks will "self-regulate." Ha! So much for that idea!!!

[Ninong]

Say it ain't so, Joe!

Goppie mascot, Joe the Plumber, has told Time magazine that he is leaving the Republican party. I hope he was only kidding. It was just a few weeks ago that Mr. The-Plumber announced that he was thinking for running for Congress as a Republican.

We would really miss having him around to lighten things up. Sure, we still have Michael Steele for laughs but most of the Goppies are a bunch of raving lunatics like Boss Limbaugh. Gov. Bobby Jindal gave a hilarious impression of Mr. Rogers during his Goppie response to President Obama's address to the nation in January but he has quieted down lately, ever since something called a volcano erupted in Alaska right after he questioned why Obama wanted to waste federal money on something called volcano monitoring.

Jindal is turning down federal stimulus money right and left knowing full well that the state legislature can and will override his rejection of federal funds. Sarah Palin is pulling the same stunt in Alaska. Speaking of Palin and Alaska, her job approval rating there has dropped 30 points over the past 8 months. She used to be in the low 80's, now she's in the low 50's. Alaskans have noticed that she's not interested in running the state of Alaska, she's more interested in running for president. She spends half her time in the lower 48 giving speeches to right-to-life rallies and abstinence-only conventions.

[Ninong]

RNC Chairman Michael Steele Approves of Slavery

Not only that, he also approves of counting blacks as three-fifths of a person. Wow! Who knew?!! You would think that since he's black and all that, that Steele would not agree with the rest of the Goppies who criticized Barack Obama for pointing out that the Constitution, as originally written, was "fundamentally flawed."

Steele, who has apparently learned how to use Twitter from John McCain, sent out this tweet today:

as he prepares to deliver remarks in hall that holds the constitution, flashback obama: "constitution flawed" http://bit.ly/tFL7O #RNC
about 19 hours ago from Seesmic Desktop
RNC

In the audio clip that Michael Steele is referencing, constitutional law professor Barack Obama was pointing out that the Constitution was fundamentally flawed in that it permitted slavery because the framers did not consider slavery a moral issue as it did not involve "persons of moral worth." The Constitution allowed slavery and it counted slaves as "three-fifths of a person."

I can see the Dick Cheney-Rush Limbaugh wing of the Republican party (aka "the core") agreeing with that proposition but I'm surprised to see Michael Steele promoting it. Maybe Steele is so stupid that he didn't realize what Obama was talking about?