[Ltspd]

2001 THE DARWIN AWARDS

It's that time again! The awards this year are classic. These awards are
given each year to bestow upon (the remains of) that individual, who
through
single-minded self-sacrifice, has done the most to remove undesirable
elements from the human gene pool.

5th RUNNER-UP
Goes to a San Anselmo, California man who died when he hit a lift tower at
the Mammoth Mountain ski area while riding down the slope on a foam pad.
The
22-year old David Hubal was pronounced dead at Central Mammoth Hospital.
The
accident occurred about 3AM,the Mono County Sheriff's department said.
Hubal and his friends apparently had hiked up a ski run called Stump Alley
and undid some yellow foam protectors from lift towers, said Lt.Mike
Donnelly of the Mammoth Lakes Police Department. The pads are used to
protect skiers who might hit towers. The group apparently used the pads to
slide down the ski slope and Hubal crashed into a tower. It has since been
investigated and determined the tower he hit was the one with its pad
removed.

4th RUNNER-UP
Goes to Robert Puelo, 32, was apparently being disorderly in a St. Louis
market. When the clerk threatened to call the police, Puelo grabbed a hot
dog, shoved it into his mouth and walked out without paying. Police found
him unconscious in front of the store. Paramedics removed the six-inch
wiener from his throat where it had choked him to death.

3rd RUNNER-UP
Goes to poacher Marino Malerba of Spain, who shot a stag standing above
him
on an overhanging rock and was killed instantly when it fell on him.

2nd RUNNER-UP
"Man loses face at party." A man at a West Virginia party (probably
related
to the winner last year, a man in Arkansas who used the ..22 bullet to
replace the fuse in his pickup truck) popped a blasting cap into his mouth
and bit down, triggering an explosion that blew off his lips, teeth, and
tongue. Jerry Stromyer, 24, of Kincaid, bit the blasting cap as a prank
during the party late Tuesday night, said Cpl. M.D. Payne. "Another man
had
it in an aquarium hooked to a battery and was trying to explode it." "It
wouldn't go off and this guy said I'll show you how to set it off." He put
it into his mouth, bit down and it blew all his teeth out and his lips and
tongue off, Payne said. Stromyer was listed in guarded condition Wednesday
with extensive facial injuries, according to a spokesperson at Charleston
Area Medical Division. "I just can't imagine anyone doing something like
that," Payne said.

1st RUNNER-UP
Doctors at Portland University Hospital said an Oregon man shot through
the
skull by a hunting arrow is lucky to be alive and will be released soon
from
the hospital. Tony Roberts, 25, lost his right eye last weekend during an
initiation into a men's rafting club, Mountain Men Anonymous (probably
known
now as Stupid Mountain Men Anonymous) in Grant's Pass, Oregon. A friend
tried to shoot a beer can off his head, but the arrow entered Robert's
right
eye. Doctors said that had the arrow gone 1 millimetre to the left, a
major
blood vessel would have been cut and Roberts would have died instantly.
Neurosurgeon Doctor Johnny Delashaw at the University Hospital in Portland
said the arrow went through 8 to 10 inches of brain with the tip
protruding
at the rear of his skull, yet somehow managed to miss all major blood
vessels. Delashaw also said that had Roberts tried to pull the arrow out
on
his own he surely would have killed himself. Roberts admitted afterwards
that he and his friends had been drinking that afternoon. Said Roberts, "I
feel so dumb about this." No charges have been filed, but the Josephine
County district attorney's office said the initiation stunt is under
investigation.

Now THIS YEAR'S WINNER.
(The late) John Pernicky and his friend, (the late) Sal Hawkins, of the
great state of Washington, decided to attend a local Metallica concert at
the George Washington amphitheatre. Having no tickets (but having had 18
beers between them), they thought it would be easy to "hop" over the nine
foot fence and sneak into the show. They pulled their pickup truck over to
the fence and the plan was for Mr. Pernicky, who was 100-pounds heavier
than
Mr. Hawkins) to hop the fence and then assist his friend over.
Unfortunately
for (the late) Mr. Pernicky, there was a 30-foot drop on the other side of
the fence. Having heaved himself over, he found himself crashing through a
tree. His fall was abruptly halted (and broken, along with his arm) by a
large branch that snagged him by his shorts. Dangling from the tree with a
broken arm, he looked down and saw some bushes below him. Possibly
figuring
the bushes would break his fall, he removed his pocket knife and proceeded
to cut away his shorts to free himself from the tree. Finally free, Mr.
Pernicky crashed into holly bushes. The sharp leaves scratched his ENTIRE
body and now, without the protection of his shorts, a holly branch
penetrated his rectum. To make matters worse, on landing, his pocket knife
penetrated his thigh. Mr. Hawkins, seeing his friend in considerable pain
and agony, threw him a rope and pull him to safety by tying the rope to
the
pickup truck and slowly driving away. However, in his drunken haste/state,
he put the truck into reverse and crashed through the fence landing on his
friend and killing him. Police arrived to find the crashed pickup with its
driver thrown 100 feet from the truck and dead at the scene from massive
internal injuries. Upon moving the truck, they found John under it
half-naked, scratches on his body, a holly stick in his rectum, a knife in
his thigh, and his shorts dangling from a tree branch 25-feet in the air.

Congratulations gentlemen, you win...

[Aragorn]

LMAO!! I love these awards! These folks are just plain STOOOOPID!

[schrocat]

THANKS LTSPD!!
I will never be able to look at a Holly Tree the same again.

[saltjunkie]

they say that the human race is the top animal due to our upright stature, opossing thumb, and the ability to reason.
Wonder if the reasoning pasted these folks right on by?
Rick

[schrocat]

They got pasted alright.

[saltjunkie]

and im assuming that the whole english language past me right on by.......

[drlowz]

So did they see the concert?

[Salty Dog]

Someone on another board posted a very good question. How do they know the story of the winners in such detail if they were both dead when the cops got there??? I know the Darwins confirm all stories and I don't doubt these guys are dead but where did they get all the details of the sequence of unbelievable events leading to their deaths??

One of my favorite ones from the site from last years winners was the kid who blew off his teeth, tongue, lips and face biting down on a blasting cap at a party

[wgscott]

What is remarkably amazing is that all of these guys were chiropractors.

[Biomanjcs72]

I Love it, it's WAYY TOO FUNNY!!!

THe cops usually piece together the most likely scenario of events, it probably wasn't thaT hard to figure it out, and who knows, someone may have seen it .

[schrocat]

Originally posted by wgscott
What is remarkably amazing is that all of these guys were chiropractors.

5...4...3...2...

[Salty Dog]

Originally posted by wgscott
What is remarkably amazing is that all of these guys were chiropractors.

and Berkeley Alumni

[schrocat]

Houston , we have rebuttal.